Saturday, December 22, 2012

like treachery

Out among friends, we spent the evening away from home.  Blessed by the love held between us, we were pleased to join our dearest chums for a little Christmas celebration.  Over firecracker punch and white chocolate mochas, I was a little overwhelmed by how much I felt like an outsider.  While I was treated nothing of the sort, it still felt a little different, if only to me.  They were all so excited to see us (as our arrival was kept a secret) and I was thrilled to catch up and see how much the babies had grown and how life was treating them.  Conversation and laughter filled the air while the sweet and savory smells of every one's hard work wafted about as well. 
As I mingled, it was nice to hear Mrs. C talk of her fondness of the Midwest.  How home is always in your heart and how you still miss it from time to time, even after all those years.  It's good to know that no one ever took her memories, ever dowsed her affection for home as she once knew it.  People do that, they try to tell you that you'll never be happy, that the place they call home is better than what you've always known.  They think their way of life is superior and I get it, they like "their place" and that's fine and dandy but, I like mine too.  That doesn't mean one could never be happy being uprooted and tossed from, say, the mountains to the cornfields.  It's just not true.
That's why it was so strange tonight.  A feeling of betrayal encompassed me.  I'm now accustomed to the cornfields, the sprawling land, the eery silence, the large farmhouse, the crazy wind, the bazillions of thrift stores I frequent, all the new friends, the fantastic church.  It's all grown on me a bit and I almost want to hide it from them.  I don't want them to know that we've become comfortable there, even though they'd be overjoyed for us.  It feels like treachery.  I don't want to say that I miss it.  But the Mister and I agree, we do.  We miss the silly cornfields and we can't wait to get back and settle in some more.  It's such an odd and confusing situation.  It's funny how God throws curve balls.
I am glad we missed the first snow storm.  No regrets there!