Thursday, April 25, 2013

spare not the pain

Spare not the pain
                    though the way I take
be lonely and dark,
                             though the whole soul ache,
for the flesh must die
                             though the heart may break.
Spare not the pain, oh,
            spare not the pain.
   ~ Ruth Bell Graham ~

I've been reading a bit lately.   I read in spurts.  First it was this -> Lost & Found: One Daughter's Story of Amazing Grace by Kathryn Slattery. I t was the back cover that got me..."In God’s economy, nothing in life goes to waste.   Everything in life has value—even the pain—and something beautiful and good can come from life’s most difficult circumstances and mistakes.   This is the miracle of God’s redemptive grace.”   Read it, it's good.

Then, I moved onto Footprints of a Pilgrim by Ruth Bell Graham and found the above poem.   I'm still in the middle of this book and there's so much I've found that I needed to still my restless soul.  Like this...

not my will
but Thine
be done."
The doubts dissolving
one by one...

For I realize
as I pray,
that's why it happened
...and this way.

~ Ruth Bell Graham ~

Thursday, April 18, 2013

a bday clutch

i mailed packages today.  three.  one for my mama.  one for a cousin.  one for the bday girl.  sadly bday girl's package won't arrive for another four days.  four.  two days past bday.  that's ok.  i have another one to send her.  she's always been pleased with my handmade gifts.  so i knew when i found this tutorial on Pinterest it was the one. 

i'm not one for sewing the same things over and over again but this, this i would make a couple more times or so.  (maybe look for one coming your way soon miss p.  wink.)  i love the offset bow and the clutch's simplicity.  i bailed on the wristlet strap, i'm just not a fan of wristlets that's all.  i used a dark green-ish exterior fabric and went with a small floral pattern for the lining.  i matched the zipper to the interior and it was a grand selection.  these photos just don't do it justice.

it was the first time i'd sewn a zipper and while i need practice on placement, i was pretty pleased with the overall finished product. 

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

for a few minutes of sunshine

Yesterday, I drug myself through the morning routine as I have for the past week.  I took a bath and slow as a snail on a Sunday drive, I did my hair, applied minimal makeup and headed out.  I was gonna find a doctor if it killed me.
Last weekend, if you recall, the Mister had come down with something nasty...chills, fever, body ache, runny nose and cough.  Well, it went through all of us, with exception of the man, yet I was the one still fighting lingering effects.  Though it was a sinus infection I was stuck with.  By Monday, I couldn't take it anymore.  Feeling like I'd been punched in the face, I rallied my friends to ask their advice on doctors.  Luckily, none of us have been sick enough to require a doctor visit in the the last year.
Surprisingly, no one here goes to a regular doctor.  They go to "urgent care clinics".  So, I gave it a shot.  After my appointment, I picked up antibiotics at the pharmacy across the street and headed straight to the McDonald's drive-thru for a breakfast sandwich to take my medicine with.  Ugh!  I know, but I was in no mood for hanging around, sitting down or eating something fancy.  Food was necessary to take my meds and I wanted to get home!
Ecstatic to have my miracle drugs in hand, and one down, I waited for their effects to kick in.  They kicked in alright!  I've been dizzy, nauseous and unable to sleep.  I read the side effects...I'm experiencing all but one or two.  Sorry.  TMI.  I'm gonna call and ask for something different.  On the bright side, I can almost breathe again and my face doesn't hurt nearly as bad. 

We've had quite the crazy week. The latter part of last week, our basement flooded from all of the rain and some backed up pipes.  The landlord ended up having to dig up the yard to fix it. Luckily, there was only minor damage but now I worry about - Eeeek! - mold.  They also had to dig around the well due to standing water which pointed to a leak with the pump. Fun times! 

So, today I'm thankful for a few minutes of sunshine and Spring's abundant greenery and new life.

Friday, April 12, 2013

sick day = t-shirt to tank refashion

Yesterday, Miss K came home from school early.  Early, as in 9:30am early.  She had a fever, chills and was looking quite puny.  (It's the same thing the Mister and I've had over the past week.  Yuck!)  And since we're still dreaming of summer days after last week's tease (even though it's a blustery 43 degrees today and the weatherman says it feels like 36!) we decided to refashion a t-shirt.  While Miss K's still not up to par, she was up to refashioning!  Especially when we're talkin' her stuff!  Let's be real anyway, I did the refashioning, she called the shots.

We pinned (as in Pinterest) here and here, so you should know this is no original tutorial, we're just sharing...

Here's our specimen on the operating table.
Yes, I'm corny as all get out.
We started by cutting off the sleeves.
Next, we made a straight cut under the neckline and shoulders.
We rolled the top edge down and pinned, doing the same to the back.  We stitched each of those down with a long straight stitch.
We cut 1 1/2 to 2 inches off the bottom of the shirt.  Then, cut again right above the hem.  (This'll be used as our strap.)  Don't forget to snip each side so you have two long strips instead of one long loop.  And since knit doesn't fray, all you need to do is stretch your strip and it'll curl.
Using a safety pin, we fed each strap through the casing we made.
(Remember, that front and back edge we sewed down?)
Yep, feed it through there and tie!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

not even that

It takes God all of 0.2 seconds to make me realize that this life is not about me.  Yep, read that again.  It's not. about. me.  On Friday, I posted this.  And it was real to me.  I'd felt so agitated and worked up lately that I could barely contain myself and so then, I'd decided to put it out there.  to share it.  and God said, "Hey!  Hey you there!  Life is good!  It's always good."  And overnight, literally, I felt brand new.  Sunday, not knowing a thing about my strife, Steve drove that point home for added measure.

Though there are days when I grow weary, weak, breathless, forgetful, God's timing is always perfect.

"Every scar tells a story.  Scars are the stories of our lives." Jesus scars tell the story of his love. for me. for you. for mankind.

Isaiah 41:10 ~ "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are. –Max Lucado 

I spent Spring Break with my children.  I had big plans for our week but, those plans quickly faded away and other things fell into their places.  We hosted friends and played inside until the middle of the week or so when the weather changed its tune.  The kids went out to play two square, swung on tire swings, played in the sand box, hid in the barns and wagon, and rode bikes and the four-wheeler.

I spent the weekend with my incredible husband.  He plowed our garden and then came down with some nasty little cold bug.  So we watched movies and I waited on him, making tea with lemon and honey and cinnamon, hot apple cider and whatever else he called for.  He's quite self-sufficient though so most of what he needed, he didn't ask for.  He simply got up and got it himself, despite me asking numerous times, "Do you want this?  Do you want that?"

After church on Sunday, we had friends over for lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon outside until they left just before dinnertime.  She and I sat in lawn chairs talking about life.  The men and children shooting bows and BB guns and playing in the yard.  The dogs exploring. 

All around me, God's wonder shows itself.  Spring is a glorious time for rebirth, to renew and rejoice.  Yep, you can bet I'm basking it.

Friday, April 5, 2013

stuck like glue

It's been some time since I've really gotten into the thick of it here.  The words wouldn't come.  They hung heavily in the air and the weight on my shoulders has grown over time.  I thought perhaps it was a fleeting sensation.  Something easily cured and overcome but, countless days have passed where I've felt restless.  unsettled.  uncomfortable.  agitated.  Nights when I dream the most vivid dreams that we're living in Virginia.  It feels like I'm there.  Really there.  Then, I wake up only to find myself in the same bed, surrounded by the same furniture, yet in a bedroom in a farmhouse in the middle of the cornfields of Illinois.

I don't feel like I belong in either place anymore.  neither here.  nor there.  We go "home" to Virginia and it doesn't feel like home anymore.  It feels like a house.  in Virginia.  where we once played the game of life.  Where our friends are still our friends but, I feel like an outsider.  So I long to be in the cornfields again and eventually, we return.  And when we return, I don't feel at home here either.  I long for the curvy roads and the mountains of Virginia, and the people who say y'all and car-a-mel.

I listen to the radio and no song, no tune, no genre of music cures my restlessness.  I listen to half a song and I hit Scan.  Change the station.  Change the tune.  Change the station again. 

I thought a trip with Thelma would help cure this ache.  So we gallivanted through the hills of Kentucky and West Virginia, playing tourists for the weekend.  Don't get me wrong, it was an outstanding weekend.  I thoroughly enjoyed our talks over coffee, meals together and our time in the car.  However, I returned home with the same agitation in which I'd left.

This discomfort, it reminds me that this is not our home.  Not our eternal home.  Yet, I still ache for that feeling.  The warm, fuzzy feeling that says it's all okay but, I know this is God's plan.  That he's stretching me.  Days pass and with them carry the sting of pain and some, the stain of tears.

Now.  I yearn for a job, to get out of this house, a summer trip "home" to cure that pang but at the same time, I dread a job, that trip.  I'm sure those things wouldn't cure this state of mind.  I can't make sense of these feelings.  They hold me captive, clinging to me daily.  They ride along while I run errands, they talk over top my friends, they point out things that normally wouldn't bother me, they pocket my joy, strangle my content.  and I stand, feeling powerless.  defenseless.  vulnerable.  weak.

Yes.  This is the place in which I deposit my thoughts, my feelings.  excitement.  joy.  sometimes but mostly not, distress.  sadness.  unease.  some times madness.  Myapologies.