Tuesday, January 31, 2012

hello again

These days, the phone is ringing off the hook with opportunity.  And the day draws near when he'll jet off, to answer question after question.  I've heard the phone ring before and sometimes opportunity peaks its little head in and just as quickly, he ducks out.  Nope, I'm not excited.  Not just yet.  But I know it'll happen.  I'll get my drawers in a wad.  This time, will it be for nothing?

When I sit down and actually think of the possibilities, really think of the possibilities,  it scares me half to death and my head spins until I close my eyes and shut down those thoughts and tell myself it'll be OK.  But when those same possibilities were far from reach I found myself a little saddened by it all.  The adventure lost. 

While I've found myself in a good groove, he isn't feeling the same and I know exactly what that feels like.  Like the universe is spinning around you, everyone doing there thing and you're just sitting still.  Nothing seems right and you're wondering where your place is, what you're supposed to be doing.  Oh, that feeling, it's too uncomfortably familiar.  It's dreary and dismal like dark stormy clouds looming overhead and then, the beating of cold, seemingly endless raindrops upon your forehead.

I feel a bit helpless.  There's nothing I can do to help until he finds his place again. I can encourage and remind him of what he is, our plan for the future, and that we will not settle. 

We will not settle.

Friday, January 27, 2012

he and I

it's just us.
He and I.

A while ago,
I picked him up and his long lanky legs fell down to my knees.
Staring at the mirror in astonishment,
I thought to myself,
How did our baby boy grow so fast?
I told him how tiny he was when he was born.
How long his feet were when measured against my hand.

How tiny his little fingernails and toenails were.
How Daddy would lay him on his chest and how they would nap together.
How his Sissy wanted to hold him ALL the time.

How loved he was, is, and always will be.

Thursday, January 26, 2012


I have not started dinner, 6 people, no 7 (I'll include myself) are relying on dinner being ready by 5:30 and I'm completely unmotivated.  It's OK.  It'll happen, they may eat the same dessert they had last night, but dinner will get done.

I'm a slug.  Sinus troubles are eating away at me, though today I'm feeling a teensy bit better.  Knocking on wood.  This week, I started a new routine.  Getting up almost an hour earlier, feeding 3 more people.  So far, so good.  Minus the sluggishness from the sinus stuff.

black and white.

If you're curious, this is a photo C's mom sent.
The ump on the top right is his great-grandad.
This was his team.
That's all I know.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

sweet, sweet rocks

Lately, I've been finding rocks a LOT.

There's a rumbling in the dryer,
it's rocks.

"Mom, I brought you something!",
it's a rock.

Not too long ago,
I was thinking 'this rock thing is a little obnoxious,
they're everywhere!'
But last night,
after everyone was gone,
the house was quiet,
and it was just C and I,
I walked past the desk and saw this.

And at that very moment, it melted my heart and I realized these aren't just any old rocks, they're gifts of love.  Rocks have never been the same since.  Made me a little sad for all the ones I'd thrown out.  I'm sorry little rocks, really, I am.

Dear blog space:
Apologies again for my lack of attendance.
I've been a little busy and feeling like I'm in a good groove.
Small adjustments still needed, but my heart felt heavy-laden
and I have some other things I need to get on track too. 
I'm working hard on these and will be back soon.

Thursday, January 12, 2012


I've spent the last couple of months frantically working to coordinate holidays and events.
Finally, with it all over, our cabinets stocked with groceries, our house sparkling clean,
husband and kids whisked off to work and school,
you betcha...I took a mental health day.

Yep, I lounged all day in my most comfy clothes, watching movies on Netflix.
It started out with a steamy hot cup of coffee and an iced shortbread cookie.
Followed up by more lazy food - 
popcorn - because it's not right to watch movies without it,
ramen noodles - because you just add water and they cook in 2 minutes,
and mint truffles - just cuz.

Call it my "soap opera and bon bon day".
~ No, I don't watch soap operas or talk shows for that matter
and I don't recall ever eating a bon bon.  Though I do fancy Lindt truffles! ~

These days of nothingness are few and far between now that I'm working,
but with everyone out of the office,
I only had to work Monday (and tomorrow).
So, I was most pleased with this day of relaxation.
Hope your day was lovely too.
If  not, look at it this way, when the sun sets,
it will rise on a brand new day full of promise.
Promise and  the excitement that Fridays always bring!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

soccer nut

This is it!
We're gearing up to party tomorrow night.
Whilst I sit here typing away, there are things to do.
So I'll be brief.

The theme is soccer and I say it every year,
always going back on my word...
"I am not going to make the cake this year."
Inevitably, I did.

Cake and I do not get along.
But I absolutely refuse to pay $25+ for a cake.
Mine are passable and oddly enough,
the kids always act like I'm some sort of cake baking prodigy.
I am not - I repeat, I AM NOT a cake decorator,
nor do I long to be or acquire any more skill
than I already have in this field.
Although, I was a little more prepared this year,
picked up some tips off of America's Test Kitchen.
So all in all, it wasn't as difficult and we had only minor issues.
Which were easily fixable.
So no complaints.

My idea came from here.
Yes, hers is GORGEOUS!
But, No.
I don't do fondant.
And while mine is mediocre,
mind you,
it works for us.