Tuesday, January 31, 2012

hello again



These days, the phone is ringing off the hook with opportunity.  And the day draws near when he'll jet off, to answer question after question.  I've heard the phone ring before and sometimes opportunity peaks its little head in and just as quickly, he ducks out.  Nope, I'm not excited.  Not just yet.  But I know it'll happen.  I'll get my drawers in a wad.  This time, will it be for nothing?

When I sit down and actually think of the possibilities, really think of the possibilities,  it scares me half to death and my head spins until I close my eyes and shut down those thoughts and tell myself it'll be OK.  But when those same possibilities were far from reach I found myself a little saddened by it all.  The adventure lost. 

While I've found myself in a good groove, he isn't feeling the same and I know exactly what that feels like.  Like the universe is spinning around you, everyone doing there thing and you're just sitting still.  Nothing seems right and you're wondering where your place is, what you're supposed to be doing.  Oh, that feeling, it's too uncomfortably familiar.  It's dreary and dismal like dark stormy clouds looming overhead and then, the beating of cold, seemingly endless raindrops upon your forehead.

I feel a bit helpless.  There's nothing I can do to help until he finds his place again. I can encourage and remind him of what he is, our plan for the future, and that we will not settle. 

We will not settle.