Tuesday, September 11, 2012

make your motive...

At church Sunday, I watched a little girl be handed to her granddad and she wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed tightly.  Her eyes, like gleaming diamonds, beamed with delight.  It broke me.  Completely.  At that very moment, my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.  I tried for what felt like an eternity but in all actuality was probably only a minute or two, to pull it together.  I couldn't manage and luckily, we were sitting near the end of our row toward the back. I ducked out and headed for the ladies' room where I grabbed toilet paper and stood there in front of the window.  I cried and I pleaded for God to give me the strength to make it through this service, through this day.

During church, I heard these words...

I wrote them down in my Bible and they stuck like glue. They ring in my head and they tell me, if you make your motive God's glory every.single.day., everything, everything will fall in to place.  So, while I am being tried daily, I am also reminded that God put me here for a purpose, for His glory. 

A friend once told me that she could look back at her paths and see how God had prepared her for the season she was in.  I felt puzzled.  I wasn't sure what God had planned for me and I didn't know what direction my life would take.  Even on rough days, without a shadow of a doubt, I know that this is where I am supposed to be.  I believe it with my heart and I know that God's got big plans for me.  This coffee shop/bakery ministry is what I was made to do.  It's what I love. 

While I wait for it to be prepped...new windows, a new kitchen, paint, etc. I anticipate life in that place.  The sweet smell of sugar and flour, pastries, pies and coffee wafting through the air.  I dream of the people who will fill that place, the ministry it will be, the memories we'll make.  Ever since I can remember, I have loved working in the kitchen.  I'm most happy in the warmth of a hot oven, surrounded by spices and the aroma of delectable treats.

My mind has been pleasant and short for the last two days. It doesn't dwell on the "what I want", the "what I have" or "don't have" or even the "I miss". It lingers not. Yesterday, my mind knew that I needed to bake pumpkin pies for the community dinner, that there were two loads of clothes that needed to be done by Tuesday morning, and that it's "Meet the Teacher Night" at school. Today, it's been to straighten up, finish cleaning the bathroom, send out e-cards and a couple of letters, and that tonight we have a XC meet. That's it. That's all.

With God's glory as my motive, I shouldn't be concerned about me, I should fix my eyes upon Jesus and the rest will fall into place.  I'm working on this, taking it day by day.  And slowly, things are falling into place.