Thursday, March 15, 2012

deliberate disregard


I've avoided this place completely.  Stayed away intentionally.  I've been using every possible second to savor the smells, the moments, the time that's left.  He asked if I was getting excited, and not to rain on his parade, I am excited for him, but I'm not excited that he'll be there and we'll be here.  That I'll be holding down the fort again.  I'm not excited for the sleepless nights and the long, exhausting days.  That we'll miss him dearly.

I won't list the things he'll miss.  I won't go there.  We'll skip vacation in exchange for short stays that'll equal our driving time or so it seems, and moving.  And we'll have to like road trips, we'll just havta.  We don't travel well unless it's on a plane.  Oddly, that one's easy.  Road trips make us crazy.  When everyone begins to hate the smell of pavement and is sick of their neighbor that's when I'll pull out the "surprise pack".  It works every time.  They'll indulge in travel Bingo, we'll discuss every road sign from here to there, read all the license plates in between and I couldn't forget, "find a yellow car."

Last night, while we were praying, our little man said, "Mommy, I don't know what to pray about."  So, I explained to him that God wanted to hear all of it, not just some, but every little bit.  He wanted to hear the fun stuff, the sad things, the good, the bad, the ugly.  He wants to know when you're confused, hurt, angry, happy, hopeful, silly.  He just shook his head and I hope this short conversation sunk in.  I hope he'll drown his sorrows with Jesus when he's pining for his daddy.  I love the quote, "Don't tell your God how big your problems are, tell your problems how big your God is."

I refuse to let these times get us down. We will not succumb to sadness and misery. We will find joy in the small things and be ever thankful for family and friends, and our God who never leaves our side. It'll be another era of growth for us all. We'll walk away appreciating each other more. Our strengths. Our weaknesses. Our family. Our God.