Thursday, March 1, 2012

my heart aches

She remains unenthusiastic about moving, but I can't blame her.  If I were her age, I wouldn't be excited about leaving, starting over at a new school, being the new girl.  She knows everyone here, all the teachers, just about every fellow student, the shortcuts to class.  She's still good friends with a girl who she attended preschool with.  When you're eleven, it doesn't get any better than that. 

God knows, the summer before I went to middle school, I had nightmares about not being able to open my locker or being late to class because I was lost inside the school.  Not that it doesn't matter, but this coming year, she would've been changing schools and heading over to the middle school anyway.  It's different though, all of her friends would've been there with her, to endure the changes, the stress.  It's just not gonna be the same.  It makes me acutely aware of the lump in my throat and the heavy ache in my heart for this girl.

She's comfortable.  Unconsciously, that's what you desire as a child.  Trust and comfort.  On the other hand, we're older, we've mellowed and now we're ready for some adventure.  So again, I drop this in God's hands, pray that He'll ease the tension in her heart, and that we'll be able to fill this girl with love and reassurance so that it's not such a burden.  We'll all have our own ordeals, but somehow it feels crucial that we be there for her the most.  She's somewhat fragile, sensitive.  Her emotions are running high due to that in between phase of being a child and becoming a young lady, hormones.  They're all over the chart and sometimes she's normal, sometimes she's a blubbering mess.  Oh let's be honest here, that's females for ya.

I'm hoping our move will be this summer.  It'd be nice to get settled and acquainted as best we could before school starts.  Time enough for her to find a few friends.  All these things, they're in His hands.  I keep reminding her of how charming and lovable she is and that comes from within.  It's not something that can be purchased, it's who you are.  She has so many friends and that means something.  In any case, we'll continue to encourage our children and as quoted over at Seventy Piggies, "love them up tall."  I adore that phrase.

If you're wondering, will we ever get that thumb out of his mouth?  Yep, I'm wondering the same thing myself.  Right now, it's feeling impossible.