Tuesday, October 9, 2012

looking back

I realize my last post could easily be viewed as shallow and just plain silly but, those issues, those emotions, at the time, were very real to me.  I was honest about what my struggles encompassed.  There are times when I think what I want for my future, for my family's future are trivial at best.  Like Homecoming.  Is that really such a big deal?  When I think about occasions missed, admittedly, my heart is saddened.  And I ask myself, "Is this the stuff God wants me to focus on?"  Obviously, it's not and seems awfully superficial but, with all the emotions running wild and struggles hitting me square in the face these days, it's been hard not to see every little thing through an extremely sensitive filter. 

I don't want my children to miss experiences.  I recant, there are things I want them to miss, things I want to shelter them from.  For instance, 4-H, prom, high school pep rallies and football games, spending time with their bestest best friends in the world, those are experiences that are enjoyable in the right light.  I want them to make their mark here, a stand for God and what they believe.  I want them to be role models for their friends, their family.  I want to foster Godly relationships and experiences for my children as well as those around them.  I want to be a part of my children growing up in a positive light, allowing them to take part in such events in a positive way.

I don't want my children to be of the world, but I do want them to enjoy their time here, be it growing stronger through struggles as we stand firmly beside them, praising God for the work he's doing in and through them and just wholesome good times.  My mind continually runs circles around itself these days.  There was so much in there, so much going on that the words come out and they look all fuzzy and make little sense.  I apologize, for it seems my emotions got the best of me.  Perhaps a change of scenery was in order.