Friday, February 3, 2012

I wait

Oh, I just can't handle this waiting.  No, not for opportunities.  No, tonight, I'm just waiting for him to get home.  Yeah, yeah.  I know, he's hardly been gone a day and I'm frantic.  I couldn't stand to come home after work.  So, my little fam and me, we made it a night out on the town.  I picked them up from school, we did a little shopping, ate McDonald's and hit the newest Wal-Mart for a birthday gift.  Wow, life sure is different once you grow up.  Different in a totally awesome, mature adult sorta way.

And no, it's not Valentine's Day yet, but yes, I bought him balloons, candy and a card.  To say, I'm proud of you, you're more courageous than I could ever imagine being, I miss you soooo much and I love you to the moon and back.  When I'm crazy frantic, I clean.  Like a mad woman.  I have almost spit shined his work room downstairs.  I did a little redecorating, washed clothes and dishes, straightened up, built a fire, vacuumed downstairs.  So, I needed a bite to eat.  This metabolism doesn't ever give me a break.  And I like to blog read while I snack alone.  So, here I sit, having read a bit and feeling anxious.  Cold chill, jittery anxious.  It's the worst.

Early week promises to give answers as to the opportunity currently on the table.  When I think of how far I've we've come - wow - it's mind-boggling, never woulda thought it.  Never, in a million years would I ever have considered this.  Ask me a few years ago?  I would've balked and told you h-e-double hockey sticks NO!  We're in a different place now.  A different season.  With faith comes unimaginable courage, inconceivable strength. With God, anything is possible.   Anything.   So I stand firmly behind him, supporting this awesome dream and willing to follow wherever our great God leads us.  Our faith is vast.  Is there still room to grow?  Oh heck yeah!  And our children know that no matter where we go, God is always with us.  Always.  

Would it be easy to leave this familiar life?  Living in the same town for 32 years where change is slow and the pace is unhurried?  Where almost everyone is related "some where down the line"?  And those who aren't kin are friends who become family, lovingly known as "Granny June" or "my cousin, Trey"?  Where the library's been in the same historic building since the the beginning of time and the high school has the "original 1950s-era cafeteria windows" it's always had?  No, it's not a run-down town.  Don't get me wrong, it could use some sprucing up here and there, some new businesses in old buildings would be nice, but its got history.  This little town, it's a jewel.  It's not the kind of place where food is delivered to your doorstep.  Nope.  Instead, you hop in the car, then sit down to eat amongst friends and neighbors.  Where you raise a family, have a big yard, raise chickens just cuz.  The kind of place where your neighbors howling hounds aren't a nuisance, but a welcome sound of the country.  Simply put, no.  No, it would not be easy to leave, but who said life is easy?

Yes.  This little town, I would miss it, but if this isn't what God has in store for us, well, we'll make new familiar.  Home is not where you live, it's not the building or the town.  Home is from scratch meals made with love, hot chocolate and board games, snuggling up to watch movies, a book at bedtime.  Being together, that's home.  Will it be easy making new friends?  We'll cope, we don't have the same friends that we've always had.  Just like everything else, friends come and go.  How will we adjust to the cooler weather?  God works in mysterious ways and I'm happy to admit that I'm not afraid.  Not a teensy bit.  I love what Paul writes in Romans 5:3, "We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience.  And patience produces character, and character produces hope.  And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts..."

Again, I wait.