Monday, February 20, 2012

untitled

My heart lies still tonight.  Still and peaceful as he returns home from another far off place.  There are a lot of things I've come to find peace in.  Being a wife and a mother is enough.  Data-entry and being a "gopher" is humbling.  Waiting on the Lord is transforming.

To my amazement, I received numerous phone calls and emails today from women I have come to love with great respect and understanding.  The above topics were discussed and there's just nothing better than dialogue laced with faith, hope and love.

Self.  Once upon a time, I thought I needed a career, to be successful, to bring home some bacon in order to be somebody, to feel like I was something in this world.  The problem is, I never needed to be somebody in this worldBeing a diligent, fervent child of God, wife and mother is fulfilling.  It was I that was holding me back.  Once I fully turned my eyes upon Jesus, the feelings of being adrift and inadequacy completely vanished.  Instead, they were replaced with content.  Pure, joyous, peaceful content.

Work.  Work is good.  It's a show up and do your job sort of thing.  It's not important, it doesn't consume me.  They're flexible and the people are nice.  I don't talk much there, I just do my job.  I was over reading at life with a personal God and I saw this quote by Mother Teresa, "Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.  Be the living expression of God's kindness.  Kindness in your face.  Kindness in your eyes.  Kindness in your smile."  So, I question, is just my presence, my cheery, diligent, sincere attitude showing them the love of God?  Can you see His love in a person's face?  Can it be felt through a passing in the hall?  A simple "Hello. How are you?"  Is it that simple?  I hope that when no words are exchanged, His love is shining through my eyes, through my smile.

Faith.  I am still curious. I continue to wonder where God wants us. Why do "those" people with their opportunities continue to call or check-in if that's not where He wants us to be? Nevermind though, I don't fret about it.   I refuse to. Maybe we're not meant to be there.   I don't know.   I pray about it and I drop it in His hands and wait.   Maybe it's all a test of my patience.   See Lord, I'm growing.   Slowly, but surely.   We're growing.