peace

Well, from my post yesterday you can guess, excitement snuck in.  Really, it didn't sneak in.  It kicked the door down and shoved a double barrel shotgun in my face and I put down my baseball bat and surrendered.  I fell hostage to the anxiety that settled in and resided with me all the livelong day.  The same goes for today and I keep telling myself to drop it, let it go, give it a swift kick in the rear cuz this all might be for nothing.  But my hope remains in the Lord.  I know what I want.  And I want it now.  But it's His plan.  In His time.  His perfect time. 

I was privileged to get off at noon today.  Still not sure if that's a blessing or a curse?  At work, I have to keep my composure it's easy to keep my composure.  Effortless almost.  At home, I have all this time on my hands.  Well, to tell you the truth, I should be baking cake, but I'm not.  To tell you the truth, I am in tears. 

I knelt down and prayed, crying out to God that my hope would not come back void.  That my excitement wouldn't be a waste.  That my ever talented, loving husband would suffer no more.  That whatever His will is, we would accept it.  I told Him how fortunate and thankful we have been to have the living arrangement we have and maybe it's time for us to move on.  Maybe, this is His plan. 

I got a few good minutes of peace out of that conversation with God.  Now, that's all I'm praying for.  His perfect, all-consuming peace.