A long awaited call came yesterday. It didn't play out like I had imagined. Instead, I approached with caution, and low and behold, it took a total of 6 hours for it to truly sink in. When it finally did, I was washing my face before bed when I burst into tears. Tears of joy.
Two things have transpired my heart and my life lately. Pastor E has been imparting upon us an attitude of service. "When you walk through the doors at church, do you come to serve others? If we all showed up, ready to serve each other, what would that look like? Would it make a better church? A better world?" Then, I came across this quote here, Mother Teresa said, "Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness. Kindness in your face. Kindness in your eyes. Kindness in your smile." So, as I pass people at work, at the grocery store, I make an extra effort, to try and show them the love of Christ. Even if it's just a smile. Then, as we continue along our separate ways, I wonder, 'God, did they see you? Your love? Can they feel it? Because I can.' And genuinely, I can.
I know there will be family and friends who will question, who will not be thrilled. Will they scowl and blubber and I wonder, will they not see the delight in all of this? Will they not see our excitement, our enthusiasm? A new adventure enveloped in faith. Will they not see God's hand at work? An answer to prayer. Indeed, this is something I have prayed long and hard over. Something that's been in the works for over 6 months now. Something that's hung in the balance, always lingering in the back of my mind. I never gave up hope, while this far off dream often seemed dim at times, it's finally happening.
So, will these people, our dear friends and family, will they hold it against us? Will they be self-regarding? Will they smile, hold back their tears and wish us well, meaning it all along? Will they see this as a "see ya later" or will it be "good-bye"? I hope they will choose the former rather than the latter. Who am I kidding, I cried when we watched Ramona & Beezus and Ramona's cat died. Made me think of my ol' Kolby-cat. He's gettin' up in age, ya know.
In about a month, things will be different around here. It'll be a while before our lives really change, but again, we'll be starting a new lifestyle. One that will slowly fall in to place and we'll remember those days from the not-so-far-off past. We'll still be here, but everything else will be a little unusual. Like the last time, we'll deal. We'll cope. We'll make it through. I'll prepare the best I can and we'll continue our daily lives until the next call comes in.
What if none of this works out? God has a plan, even when we don't, even when we can't fathom what He's doing. I know that for a fact. The event that led up to this was something we never saw coming, but we now know He had a reason for it. It was not to put us to shame. We've all taken something away from this. We've all used it for His good. To witness to others, to lead us to a greater, deeper faith, to grow. And here we stand, putting out trust in Him again, taking our faith to an even higher level. It's riveting, exciting, intimidating and frightening. I'm stepping into this new season with amazement of the boundless love, mercy and grace He's poured upon us when we are so undeserving.